The Dreaded Goathead

Have you ever been walking around outside without shoes and gotten a super pokey in your foot? I have. Many, many times. Same for riding a bike. That’s what I get for living in a place that has been cursed with the plant known as Tribulus terrestris, A.K.A. puncture vine, A.K.A. goatheads. The plant’s common name is hardly creative, it grows in flat vines and produces the sharpest little buggers out there. Unsurprisingly, its pokey products take the shape of what looks like a goat head with several pointy horns.

To make matters worse, the plant isn’t even native to North America! It comes from Africa and Eurasia. In fact, in my native state of Utah, it’s considered a class 3 noxious weed! Sounds legit, right? It is, but allow me to help you define what that actually means: Class 3 means its “Not native to the State of Utah” and it poses “a threat to the agricultural industry and agricultural products.”

That’s right, not only are they coming for your feet and tires, they’re coming for our agriculture!

That’s why this plant has officially made it onto my “bad plants list.” This has caused me to wonder though, what other plants out there might be just as awful to come across if not worse?

I’ve heard of a plant in Australia that might win the title for “worst plant ever.” It’s called Gympie-Gympie, or “the suicide plant.” Fortunately, we don’t have to worry about that around here. Goat heads are bad, but all they do is stab you. Gympie-Gympie will do much more harm. The plant is covered in tiny stabbing needles that carry a brutal toxin. It has been said that if even one of those tiny needles gets stuck in your skin, you’ll feel  it for years.

As far I’m aware, there’s nothing like that here in North America. Sure, we have plenty of poisonous plants, and even some that’ll give you a bad rash, but nothing that actually stings you. Still, maybe you could make the argument that goat heads are worse. Even the gympie-gympie stays in place. Not goatheads. They spread far and wide. I’ve even found them in my own house, hiding amongst the carpet. That makes them truly nefarious.

What do you think? Which plants make your “bad plant list?”