Top 5 Ways to Ride a Pterodactyl
Let’s face it: if the center of the earth broke open right now, we’d have a serious problem. Not only would all the dinosaurs get free, but, more importantly, we wouldn’t be able to ride the pterodactyls. Sure, some of us have played games like “Ark,” but that kind of help only goes so far. There is nothing like real-world experience, but this article is the next best thing. Read carefully, or you may find yourself in the maw of a Carcharodontosaurus instead of taking your place in the sky.
5. Saddleback
You can ride bareback if you want to. In fact, it’s actually a lot cooler that way. Just don’t blame us when you fall into a stinky tar pit from 2,000 feet above ground level. The good news is making a saddle is pretty easy. The bad news is that getting it on your winged friend will be one of the most challenging things you do. If you do somehow manage to get it on, you’ll get to ride in true luxurious comfort.
4. Claws
If the saddle doesn’t fit, never worry. Claws are the next best thing. When it comes to claw travel, there are only two important things you need to remember:
- You don’t get to choose where you go. Most often, if a pterodactyl grabs you with its claws, you are not the master. This is ok in the event that you’re trying to escape a saber-tooth tiger, but not ideal for the day-to-day commute.
- Always ensure you’re carrying a weapon and a first aid kit when traveling this way. Claws are pointy, and you will bleed. Most likely, you’ll arrive at some sort of volcanic nest where your ride will try to feed you to its spawn. Don’t let it. Use the weapon, then finish your journey on foot.
It can be helpful to think of this method as though it were a stinky taxi on the wrong side of town. It might get you out of trouble, but best to avoid it when possible.
3. Play Dead
This option is for those with a slightly higher intelligence. You’ll most likely try this one after realizing the downside of traveling the other two ways. That’s ok, we all learn our own ways. The important thing is that you somehow survived, and there is hope. This method carries similar risks as riding claws, but you don’t necessarily need a first aid kit. Since the beast already thinks you are dead, it won’t grab you hard enough to puncture your skin. Remember not to try this method when chased by a herd of raptors. They are too smart to be fooled and will eat you sushi style, raw.
2. Rob a Nest
It’s time to get serious. Those other options are for chumps, and you’re a champ. Go rob a nest. Sound difficult? It is. But you can do it, probably. This is the long game plan. If you rob a nest, you’ll gain the opportunity to bond with your very own pterodactyl as it grows. Better yet, you’ll then be able to use that pterodactyl to make friends and woo potential partners. Once your community is thriving and you’ve spawned at least thirty children, use your sweet ride to rob more nests. By the time you’re old and gray, you’ll have your own Pterodactyl dealership, meaning you’ll basically be the king. Is it risky? Yes. Is it worth it? Only if you want to succeed in life.
1. Preemptive Strike
It can be hard to believe, but there is one way to better ride a pterodactyl than to rob a nest. It’s called a preemptive strike maneuver. Instead of waiting for the dinosaur apocalypse to come to you, you go to the dinosaur apocalypse. No one can say how much time you have to succeed, so start as soon as possible. To find entry to Hollow Earth, you’ll need to either get some crazy drills or start getting comfortable exploring caves. Both are strong options, but the cave option tends to be the more affordable one. Once you’ve reached hollow earth, refer to the section above and rob a nest. Depending on when you do this, you may need to get comfortable. It could be decades before the great cataclysm. On the bright side, when it happens, and it will happen, you’ll be far more prepared than anyone else.
