The Day I Brushed My Teeth with Butt Cream

I accidentally brushed my teeth with butt cream the other day, and yes, it was gross. I’d had a long day at work, stayed up late writing, and watched the baby for a while, so I was completely beat. By the time I got to brushing my teeth for the night, I could barely see straight—let alone tell which tube was meant for my teeth.

It gets worse. I put the butt cream on my brush, wet it like usual, and actually brushed my teeth for a good five seconds before realizing what I’d done. Part of it was fatigue, but I also remembered that my mother-in-law once gave my wife and me a tube of doTERRA toothpaste—you know, the fancy kind with essential oils.

We’d long since used it up, but my tired mind must have decided to overlook that fact since the butt cream was a strikingly similar color. As I brushed, I started to notice that the “toothpaste” wasn’t dissolving and felt sticky. Thinking something was off, I did the smart thing: I used my tongue to taste it.

Honestly, the flavor wasn’t terrible, but the moment my taste buds registered the cream, I knew something was wrong. That’s when I looked down and realized the butt cream had its lid off…

I guess that’s just another side effect of parenthood. Sometimes it drains you so much that you can’t tell the butt cream from the toothpaste. The odd thing is, I still feel like becoming a dad is the best thing I’ve ever done. I can’t fully explain it, but for me, it doesn’t matter how tired I get, how much the baby cries, or how many times that little guy poops right after I change his diaper.

At the end of the day, I look at him and can’t help but smile. He’s precious, and hey—if nothing else, parenthood gives me some good stories to tell. Even if it comes at the expense of my oral hygiene.